We treasure progress. Our achievements are measured by how far we have come, how much we have attained, and, sometimes, the struggles we have gone through. These measurements stick us right back into our past and hold the future in front of us like a carrot on a string.

We tell ourselves that when we accomplish this, we will celebrate. We tell ourselves that we have come this far and struggled this much, so now is the time to sing our praises. Sometimes we even justify our pain, emotions, or state of being because of what we’ve gone through in the past.

I’m so tired today, I worked late and it was so busy all day. I’m so pissed off right now, I didn’t get a moment to myself all day. Sometimes, these explanations are necessary. Sometimes events and situations do cause pain, and sadness, and fatigue. But how often have you crafted an explanation for your feelings, so they are more palatable for others? How often have you smoothed over the ‘ugly’ part (how you’re really doing) by creating a reason why you ‘should’ be feeling that way (long day at work, not a moment to yourself, etc.), instead of just accepting where you are?

To quote Eckhart Tolle, it is normal to do this, and it is insane. This kind of thinking represents three problems: First, you are relying more on the opinions and judgements of others than on the voice of your inner being. Second, you are, in a roundabout way, judging yourself. Third, you are overidentifying with the ego. Let’s go through each of these in more detail.

Reliance on the Opinions of Others

When you create an excuse for why you feel the way you do, or why you are acting the way you are, you are actually saying that you believe other people will not understand you or accept you for feeling the way you do, point blank. You, and we, collectively, believe that any feeling that is not rosy and perfect is a downfall, something to be ashamed of. We never give a reason for why we feel happy, we just allow ourselves to feel happy. But when we experience a negative emotion, we have to have a reason, an excuse.

We believe that those around us will not accept us if we are simply sad for no reason, or angry without cause. We subconsciously, and prematurely, place the judgement of others as another weight around our necks. This is a fear-based reaction, and, once again, it is normal and it is insane. The fear behind this reaction is different for everyone. It may be a fear of abandonment, of isolation, or of being left behind. It may be simply a fear of being judged, or a fear of being wrong. But when we place the opinions of others ahead of our own emotions and being, there is always fear involved.

Let me say this now: That is O.K.

You are allowed to feel fear. You are even allowed to explain your emotions. But if you want to experience radical self-acceptance, the first step is to acknowledge the fear, and leave the explanations behind.

Judging Yourself

When you rely on explanations to make your emotions or actions more palatable, you are, in a way, judging yourself. You are telling yourself that your emotions are not worthy of being felt, that they are unjustified. Your internal mental voice is going over all of the possible reasons for you to feel the way you do, because it believes that without those reasons, your feelings aren’t valid.

Think about it. How would you feel if you simply said, “I’m tired,” instead of “I had a horrible day at work today, I’m exhausted.” You immediately feel the need to explain why, to have a reason, to look into the past as an explanation for your present. You are both worrying about other’s reactions and judging yourself for feeling the way you do.

If you truly believed your emotions were justified, you would not feel the need to explain them.

Overidentification with the Ego

The previous two points combine to create this: An overidentification with the ego. Your ego is the storehouse of resistance, of self-image, and of pride. Your ego’s job is to protect you, and whether that means protecting you from the judgement of others or protecting you from your own judgement, it is going to do its job well.

So, What is Radical Self-Acceptance?

Radical self-acceptance, then, begins with letting all of these things go. It begins by recognizing that your explanations are based in fear, and that fear is not from your soul. Fear is an egoic emotion, a mechanism in place to keep you safe and secure. Radical self-acceptance means recognizing that you are not your ego.

Take the time today and ask yourself these questions: Why do I need to explain my emotions? What fear is lying underneath my excuses? Who am I trying to please, and whose judgements am I trying to deflect?

Taking the time to honestly reflect on these questions shines a light on the truth of your being. In order to truly practice radical self-acceptance, you have to be willing to go into the depths of yourself, to explore the shadows, and to truly acknowledge the deepest extents of yourself. Not just the happy, shiny parts, but the fear parts, the sad parts, the egoic parts.

Radical self-acceptance means fully acknowledging the duality of your existence, the light and the dark, the good and the bad. Radical self-acceptance begins by allowing yourself to be exactly where you are, point blank, no questions asked and no excuses needed.

When you step into this place of courage, when you have the audacity to move beyond your ego, your judgement, and your fear, true acceptance begins. Radical acceptance does not mean focusing on the good parts, and pretending the negative parts do not exist. No. Radical self-acceptance means bringing all of you, the dark and the light, to the table.

Radical self-acceptance means having the bravery to simply say:

I’m tired.

And then go take a nap.

So, how are you going to start practicing radical self-acceptance today?