As we know, our minds live in a world of duality, a world in which everything is black or white, good or bad. When you start to wake up to the awareness within you and realize that there is so much more to the world than what meets the eye, there seems to be an expectation that duality just fades away. That the black and the white suddenly mix and turn into gray.

I know I had that expectation, and I also know that, to date, that expectation has not been met. No matter how much my consciousness has expanded, there is always another mental box to be dissolved, or another area my mind only sees in black or white.

While I could only share about the times I’ve experienced Satori (or mini-enlightenment, as I like to call it), or about spiritual concepts, or consciousness tips, or everything else that a spiritual blog should share about, I am not going to do that.

Why?

Because it would be a disservice to you, lovely human, and to myself. Refusing to acknowledge the times when we are less than aligned, the times that our minds take over and we forget the true light of our existence, is the same as resistance. It is a resistance to being shown as we truly are, for in being seen as we truly are, there are no more shadows. No more areas to be covered up or kept secret.

But who needs secrets, when the light of your soul can shine into those shadows and heal them? Who needs secrets, or fears, or resistance, when there is so much more to this reality than we know?

Well, apparently the mind does.

My mind, especially this past week, has had one major emotion: fear. Now this emotion isn’t unique, it isn’t unusual, but for me, it signifies a bigger mental box. Another hurdle to jump over on this path to enlightenment. For me, that box is the fear of being left behind. Let me explain.

In everyday life, before we ‘woke up’ (I don’t love that term, but you understand what I am saying), there was always a logical next step. You graduate high school, you go to college, you find a partner, you get a job, you start your career, you buy a house, you have kids, you help them grow up, you send them off to college, you retire, and you live your life. While there may be some variation, I think we can all agree that typically there is a set of expectations and next steps in the span of a life.

But then, you wake up. Suddenly there are no expectations, no next steps. There is only the flow of the Universe, and your willingness to follow it. You no longer live a life of I do this and then this and then this. Instead, life becomes cyclical, so much more like a bunch of squiggles than a straight line.

Those squiggles can be so, so liberating. Until they aren’t.

Right now, I am a Sophomore in college. I feel like there are so many ‘next steps’ in the life of a college student. What classes to take, what degree to get, find someone to start a relationship with, live on your own, graduate, find a job, etc.

Everyone around me, at least everyone on my campus in my age group, is following that path. They are walking the line, and for them, it is truly a beautiful thing. They know what they are doing, and although they may not be totally excited about it, they may not even like it, they have a next step.

Up until January, that was how I felt. And then I decided that my life was not meant to be spent playing by the rules, but rather it was to be spent bending them. My life is meant to be spent out of the box, living in flow with the Universe.

Floating, in a sense.

Floating can feel so, so liberating. Releasing the boxes releases all boundaries, but it can also feel like failing, to the mind. Because the mind thrives on those rules, regulations, and next steps. Your mind thrives off of expectations, because when you meet them, you can pat yourself on the back, but if you don’t reach those goals, you are in for a lot of self-deprecation. Back to the black and white of duality.

So when I look around me, and I see my friends moving down their straight path of life, when I see them finding their next step, sometimes I feel like I am being left behind. Because I don’t have a logical next step. I don’t have expectations, or a road map. I am in completely uncharted territory, floating through this thing we call life. For the most part, I love it. I know that I was not happy when I walked the line.

But sometimes, my mind misses that line.

Sometimes, my mind wants to go back, back to when I was still asleep, back to when I walked the line. Sometimes, maybe all the time, my mind feels fear at this loop-de-loop I have made my life into.

But you know what? That’s okay. I know in my soul that this is where I am meant to be. This is what I am meant to do. I may not fit into anyone’s box, I may not have a road map of the next major milestone, but I do know that wherever the Universe leads me, it will be exactly what I need.

So if you are waking up, if you are floating, and you feel alone, isolated, or left behind, don’t worry. Don’t worry, my love, for you are not alone. You are not floating with no one beside you. We all feel that fear sometimes, and we all know that it can be a lonely path. But take heart, lovely soul. You are finally discovering who you truly are.