Hello, my friends. It’s been a moment since I’ve posted, and truly I don’t even know who will read this. But today it felt important to get some thoughts out onto (electronic) paper, rather than capturing my voice on a podcast. I’m sure these things will come to The Conscious Cafe very soon, but right now the thoughts swirling in my head require a more concrete manifestation to be brought into this world.
Lately, I’ve been diving inward. Into the deep. Not the Deep of my business, but the depths of myself. I thought, for a long time, that I’d already gone as far as I could go, that I’d explored the depths and lived to tell the tale. But now I see that there can be no end to the depths in which you can travel within yourself.
My Inner Voice, soul, intuition (choose your word), has been guiding me to freedom. Freedom to be, here, now. Freedom from who I thought I was. Freedom from what I thought I believed in. Freedom from my own identity as I sink into the depths, into the all-encompassing nothing that is All That Is.
As beautiful as it sounds, I’ve been afraid. Every day, my mind holds on to a new fear and a new worry. About what already happened and what is to come. There is no consoling it sometimes, and the best thing I can do is keep moving forward. But it can be exhausting to be brave and face your fears day in and day out, feeling like there is no end.
My mind loves to tell the story that to be spiritual, you have to be free. But to the mind, freedom means being happy, free from fear, free from limitation. And although limitations do dissolve when you connect with your innermost depths, that release doesn’t happen in the sunshine and rainbows way the Mind would prefer. It happens with emotion, and breathing, and tears, and prayers, and meditations, and difficult conversations, and moments where it feels like nothing is okay.
But everything is okay. All the time. Always. No matter what. This is the mantra of the Inner Being, the chant of your soul. You are okay. You are loved. You are safe. You are enough. Always. No matter what. Everything is okay. Everything is allowed. Even your pain. Even your fear. Even your suffering. You can know the illusion of the mind and still feel the repercussions from it. It’s okay.
It’s okay to be human, to be here, to be now. It’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to not know what happens next. It’s okay to hurt. It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to want to be perfect. Everything you are experiencing, here and now, is okay.
Yes, life is about perceptions. How you choose to see yourself, your emotions, the people around you, your environment, and everything in between. But it’s also okay to feel things. To let yourself be embodied, and be human. Just because you are unraveling limiting beliefs, or go multiple days without feeling free, doesn’t mean that you are failing. It doesn’t mean that your thoughts will draw in something negative.
It just means that you are surrendering. You are opening. More and more. And in that opening, the light has to shine on all the darkness. All the corners. All the pain. Not because the darkness and the corners are bad and need to be gotten rid of, but because the light is stronger than those things. Both are allowed. Both are okay. But when you go within, and allow yourself to open, only the light will remain at the end.
But the process of letting the light in is just that, a process. so feel it. Breathe through it. Be in it. whatever you are experiencing. Okay or not okay. soul led or mind led. Stop judging yourself for where you are and allow yourself to be there. Know that it is okay to be scared, to be hurting. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It doesn’t mean you are on the wrong path. It just means that you are here, now. Human. and Free.
I asked my Inner Voice once, what was the difference between ‘being free and ‘Freedom’. They said that being free implies there are limitations, restrictions that you have to fight against in order to attain freedom. Whereas freedom is a state of being, something you inherently are and have. Being free implies ‘from what’, whereas freedom implies ‘in whom’. Being free fights the boundaries, but freedom dissolves them.
So recognize your freedom. Your human-ness. Your now-ness. Recognize your freedom. Set yourself free by recognizing that you already are. You are okay. You are safe. You are loved. You are enough.
No matter what. No matter where. No matter how you feel. All is allowed. And all is okay.
So much love, beautiful people. Thank you for your presence here.
