Feelings are the eternal human plague. They bring us up, and send us plummeting back to earth. In a way, they seem to symbolize who we truly are, and we often say that emotions reveal a lot about the inner self.

But for as strong and tangible as emotions can seem, they often leave us feeling like we are lying to ourselves and to others. We may feel that a situation we are experiencing shouldn’t make us feel the way it does. Perhaps we are reacting too strongly when others seem calm, or maybe we are completely numb in times of emotional upheaval.

Society has a tendency to standardize emotions, leading us to believe that we should feel xyz in this or that situation.

We are led to believe that our feelings should fit in a box, with certain emotions or reactions deemed ‘OK’ while others are shoved aside as over-sensitive, unfeeling, or just plain wrong.

This tendency causes a lot more damage than people realize. Feelings of inadequacy, especially in times of abusive or traumatic circumstances, are often piled on to an already full bucket due to pressure to feel and act a certain way.

And yet, in the same breath, society will tell you that you are a unique individual, that there is no one on this earth like you.

It’s a double-edged sword.

Yes, you are unique, but you must act this way, say this thing, feel this way. Every move we make seems to be constantly scrutinized, first beginning in our own heads, and spreading to those around us.

This constant scrutinization does us a huge disservice. We are all unique individuals. No one will ever live your life, experience things through your personal lense, or simply be YOU.

But we are also all connected.

We all have the capacity to feel every emotion, at any time. We are united in our experience of humanity, and yet separated by the rules we live by.

Societal standards, particularly those that govern personality, feelings, and opinions, are exclusive by nature. They advocate for one thing and condemn another. But there is no wrong in feeling. There is no right way to react to a situation, because each situation is unique, and never before experienced the exact way you are experiencing it.

Given the unique nature of our experiences, it seems odd that we are pressured everyday to fit our emotions into a predetermined mold. If we act outside the box, unless it is for some major creative, positive, or productive reason, we are instantly labeled as wrong, different, or bad.

But we are all different. Each of us experiences this lifetime in a unique way, and we will all react to this lifetime in a unique way.

There is no wrong way to feel your feelings. There is also no way to lie to yourself about how you feel. Your feelings constitute a major part of your human existence, and it isn’t like you can make them up. We tend to focus too much on the cause of a feeling, what made us feel this way.

There are no reasons.

Reasons, in essence, are excuses so that we feel more validated in feeling the way we do. What would happen if we took that box off of our heads, and allowed ourselves to feel however we feel, in whatever situation?

Wouldn’t that be a magical world?

When a small child is afraid of the dark, we do not send them back to the darkness and tell them that their fear feelings are wrong. No. We comfort them, care for them, and understand them because we all know what it is like to feel fear. We come together in our understanding of a human emotion, regardless of whether we deem the cause rational or irrational.

Why then, does this reasoning disappear in adulthood? Anytime we experience a strong emotion, particularly the negative ones, we search for a reason, a why, an excuse. We search for validation.

The problem is, we search for validation in a world full of double standards. A world in which there is no validation, because for every opinion you can find an opposite.

The cycle ends when you find validation in yourself.

You do not need a reason, an excuse, to feel the way you do. You feel how you feel, and you cannot hide, make up, or change that. We are under an illusion that our feelings are made up, changeable, under our control.

To try to change an emotion simply causes more resistance. To believe that we need a reason simply causes more resistance.

The only way to be free of this emotional tug of war is to find safety in yourself.

Recognize that you don’t need a reason or a road map to feel the way you feel. There isn’t a universal flow chart that tells you you should feel this way when this happens, or that way under this circumstance.

The only road map you are ever going to get is inside yourself. You do not need a reason to feel how you feel. You do not need someone else to tell you your feelings are right, or wrong, or good, or bad.

Your feelings simply ARE.

The moment you let go of the resistance, the moment you stop searching for outside validation, is the moment that you can truly feel your emotion. Feel it, knowing that it is yours. It is unique to you, your situation, your day, your moment. It is yours. Feel it, acknowledge it, and watch as it dissolves.

There is tremendous power in observing. The moment you release outside expectations or rules, you can truly inhabit your body. Once you allow the feeling to be what it is, without forcing it into a box, you allow it to naturally run its course.

Everything has a reason, a perfect timing, and a purpose. Each emotion is an opportunity for us to learn and grow, if we will only take it.

You do not need a reason, a how, a why or a what. You simply need yourself, in this perfectly imperfect life, to experience whatever it is you are experiencing.

It is all okay. It is all allowed, and it is all accepted.

You simply have to find this knowledge within yourself.

In case no one told you today: You are seen, heard, loved, and appreciated, and you do not need to be or feel anything other than what you are. No reason, no standards, no strings attached.

Your feelings are real, yours and yours alone. Allow them to be this way, and do not shove them into that box.

You are exactly where you need to be.

Tell me: Are you feeling any guilt or fears around your emotions today, and can you allow yourself to simply be, without the box?